I may be biased bit I have truly enjoyed your work over the last 30 years and the work you have done over the last 18-months has been incredible. Love and respect.
This is difficult for me. I'm a disabled writer who has 182 subscribers, 18 paid. I have no income other than SSD so it's important to me that I supplement that income where I can. I obv make very little from my Substack, and I have no subscribers that I didn't know on a personal level, prior to them subscribing. Still, I pay for subs I read every week, incl Anti-Matter, because I do value the work.
By your metric, my work is pretty flimsy. No one is really paying attention to it and I have no clue as to how I could draw people in. My paid/free ration is exactly 10% and even that is garbage when you look at who is actually subscribing (friends, not strangers). Reading your explanation was an intense brow-beat for someone like myself. These are the distorted thoughts and feelings I'm having to confront this morning over coffee. Not fun.
All that being said, you put an enormous amount of work into your words. The interviews are lengthy and difficult/time consuming to transcribe. Editing and proofreading, revising, getting the damn thing done right. All of this is incredibly difficult work, and it consumes a ton of emotional time. You're getting emotionally intimate with 10s of 1000s of people, Norman. That requires more than what I need. It's not something I completely understand because I'm not in your shoes. I only understand how I feel (and even then, never completely).
I am glad you're moving away from it because I care about you as a human being. You need room to breathe and be and explore and understand and grow. Two full time jobs is way too much for anyone to stay well. While your words are a difficult pill for me to swallow, I do understand that is MY problem. These are MY thoughts and feelings that need to be unpacked. And you just gave me a place where I can unpack them without fear of reprisal. You have created a community, here, Norman. And while I understand and support your need for space and time, please don't ever forget that.
I truly don't want this be discouraging for anyone—including yourself. Subscriber counts are well and good, but the work that needs to exist should exist if you can continue. If anything, like I say in the essay, putting this out there is about giving you more information to improve on your own ventures. To see where things went very right and to see where things didn't quite hit it. This isn't a cautionary tale by any stretch. Take the time to let your audience find you, set your own goals, and take comfort in knowing there isn't a magic bullet for anyone.
I dont want to act like I know your situation, and I dont want to say anything damaging. But that is always a risk. But I hope this is OK: First and foremost art and expression must be a therapy and a necessity and a pleasure (in whatever sense, even as a catharsis or a psychic masochism) to the artist. First and foremost. Always. Whatever money we make from art is amazing. Please do what you are doing because it is helping YOU, directly.
Norman, firstly, your writing inspires me. I’ve worked on various music blogs and written pieces for zines myself, largely without pay and I know how much of a grind it can be sometimes so it seems obvious to me how much of a passion project this is - and I want you to know how much it means to the hardcore community. Secondly, any plans for a final merch drop? Kicking myself for not buying a hoodie last time!!!
This has been appointment reading for me twice a week since I found it, so of course I'm sorry to see it go. Your writing here has given me a lot to think about around aging, what hardcore meant to me, what it means to me now, and it's given me another way to celebrate it. But if it isn't sustainable, it isn't sustainable, and your own well-being matters. But however the hiatus might end, and what form Anti-Matter takes next, I'll be there. Thank you.
Reading AM has become part of my weekly routine and I've enjoyed every post. You rebooted this during a time where I myself was rebooting my involvement in my local hardcore scene and your writing gave me that feeling that I think is missing in a lot of spaces now. The intimacy, thoughtfulness and familiarity I felt in the mid-late 90s HC era.
Thank you for all of your time and dedication, Norm. I look forward to whatever comes next for AM. Whenever that may be. 💙
As soon as I started reading this, I thought, okay, I'm going to become a paid subscriber as soon as I finish reading. And then I got to the end.
I started reading your newsletter a few months ago - I can't remember which piece or interview snagged my attention, but it was curiosity at first. I've never been or thought of myself as a hardcore fan, exactly; I'm sort of adjacent to a lot of scenes, musically, that I've never felt part of. So I wasn't exactly sure what I was in for. But every week I've found myself more and more grateful for this space and inching toward paying for it I'm a freelancer, so the moments when I'm able to throw in the cash are irregular, and I tend to rotate which substacks I'm paying for. It felt like time to rotate this one in.
I hope this doesn't sound like an excuse, though it might. It's meant to be a thank you. <3
Anti-Matter coming back into the universe again was fantastic. I enjoyed reading each week (sometimes skipping a couple & later binging). Thank you & I look forward to the next chapter.
I hope you keep giving us opportunity to support your work. This latest version of anti matter changed so much of how I approach thinking about music and community this last year.
It's so rare when a reboot of a previous project lives up to its earlier beloved renditions and I feel like the new anti-matter really outdid itself! You did the rare thing in your interviews where you made me interested in someone even if I wasn't really into their band. All of your writing was always so thoughtful & it never came off as EXCLUSIVE ELDER HARDCORE. Will miss reading every week, but happy you made the best decision for yourself!
To be honest, I’ve written and re-written my response to this news about a dozen times and I’m still not sure what follows will be as coherent as I’d like it to be but here goes…
I’m going to start with thank you as I am, and have been, truly grateful for your work on this iteration of AM. Integrating the AM playlist was a stroke of genius and helped me discover a slew of new bands. Being an older hardcore ‘kid’ has left me with less of a tangible community and in AM I found that so thank you.
All of that said, I’m pissed off too. Not at you, of course, as you need to do what is right for you, but at the circumstances that led to the hiatus. It’s disheartening to learn that we couldn’t do better for you and your tremendous work. We need to do better for each other.
I’ll eventually stop saying fuck over and over again in my head about this and be left grateful that we had this time together again.
Again, thank you!
P.S. AM LP II would take the sting out of this situation just a little :)
Anti-mater has been a part of my routine for over a year. I am said to see it go on hiatus and hope you take care of yourself. I can’t wait to see if and how this evolves over time.
I look forward to every column, interview, and playlist. I'll be sad to not have it as a comfort as well roll into an uncertain year, but I'm deeply grateful for what you've made here, Norman! And what you continue to make! 💜
So sad to see Anti-Matter go, but happy to see you doing what you know is right for you. I’ll be here waiting for any sporadic emails in the future. Thanks for this space Norman.
Norman, just to say that what you’ve produced over the last 18 months has been miraculous - a rich, deep, thoughtful and compassionate resource. It has brought me (and I suspect a lot of others) closer to an art form that we already loved, given us new perspectives on people and on the world, and (in my case) made me think about how to be a different, better kind of person.
So thank you - huge respect for what you’ve created, and can’t wait to see what you decide to do next.
"hiatus (n.) 1560s, "a break or opening" in a material object, especially in anatomy, from Latin hiatus "opening, aperture, rupture, gap," from past-participle stem of hiare "to gape, stand open" (from PIE root *ghieh- "to yawn, gape, be wide open"). The sense of "gap or interruption in events, etc.;" "space from which something requisite to completeness is absent" [Century Dictionary] is recorded from 1610s."
I may be biased bit I have truly enjoyed your work over the last 30 years and the work you have done over the last 18-months has been incredible. Love and respect.
This is difficult for me. I'm a disabled writer who has 182 subscribers, 18 paid. I have no income other than SSD so it's important to me that I supplement that income where I can. I obv make very little from my Substack, and I have no subscribers that I didn't know on a personal level, prior to them subscribing. Still, I pay for subs I read every week, incl Anti-Matter, because I do value the work.
By your metric, my work is pretty flimsy. No one is really paying attention to it and I have no clue as to how I could draw people in. My paid/free ration is exactly 10% and even that is garbage when you look at who is actually subscribing (friends, not strangers). Reading your explanation was an intense brow-beat for someone like myself. These are the distorted thoughts and feelings I'm having to confront this morning over coffee. Not fun.
All that being said, you put an enormous amount of work into your words. The interviews are lengthy and difficult/time consuming to transcribe. Editing and proofreading, revising, getting the damn thing done right. All of this is incredibly difficult work, and it consumes a ton of emotional time. You're getting emotionally intimate with 10s of 1000s of people, Norman. That requires more than what I need. It's not something I completely understand because I'm not in your shoes. I only understand how I feel (and even then, never completely).
I am glad you're moving away from it because I care about you as a human being. You need room to breathe and be and explore and understand and grow. Two full time jobs is way too much for anyone to stay well. While your words are a difficult pill for me to swallow, I do understand that is MY problem. These are MY thoughts and feelings that need to be unpacked. And you just gave me a place where I can unpack them without fear of reprisal. You have created a community, here, Norman. And while I understand and support your need for space and time, please don't ever forget that.
I truly don't want this be discouraging for anyone—including yourself. Subscriber counts are well and good, but the work that needs to exist should exist if you can continue. If anything, like I say in the essay, putting this out there is about giving you more information to improve on your own ventures. To see where things went very right and to see where things didn't quite hit it. This isn't a cautionary tale by any stretch. Take the time to let your audience find you, set your own goals, and take comfort in knowing there isn't a magic bullet for anyone.
I dont want to act like I know your situation, and I dont want to say anything damaging. But that is always a risk. But I hope this is OK: First and foremost art and expression must be a therapy and a necessity and a pleasure (in whatever sense, even as a catharsis or a psychic masochism) to the artist. First and foremost. Always. Whatever money we make from art is amazing. Please do what you are doing because it is helping YOU, directly.
Norman, firstly, your writing inspires me. I’ve worked on various music blogs and written pieces for zines myself, largely without pay and I know how much of a grind it can be sometimes so it seems obvious to me how much of a passion project this is - and I want you to know how much it means to the hardcore community. Secondly, any plans for a final merch drop? Kicking myself for not buying a hoodie last time!!!
"You took a chance on me, and I can only hope you feel I delivered."
You are still delivering and shall continue to do so on whatever next endeavor wave you ride. Thank you Norm.
This has been appointment reading for me twice a week since I found it, so of course I'm sorry to see it go. Your writing here has given me a lot to think about around aging, what hardcore meant to me, what it means to me now, and it's given me another way to celebrate it. But if it isn't sustainable, it isn't sustainable, and your own well-being matters. But however the hiatus might end, and what form Anti-Matter takes next, I'll be there. Thank you.
Reading AM has become part of my weekly routine and I've enjoyed every post. You rebooted this during a time where I myself was rebooting my involvement in my local hardcore scene and your writing gave me that feeling that I think is missing in a lot of spaces now. The intimacy, thoughtfulness and familiarity I felt in the mid-late 90s HC era.
Thank you for all of your time and dedication, Norm. I look forward to whatever comes next for AM. Whenever that may be. 💙
Strong agree on all of this. Strong, strong agree...
As soon as I started reading this, I thought, okay, I'm going to become a paid subscriber as soon as I finish reading. And then I got to the end.
I started reading your newsletter a few months ago - I can't remember which piece or interview snagged my attention, but it was curiosity at first. I've never been or thought of myself as a hardcore fan, exactly; I'm sort of adjacent to a lot of scenes, musically, that I've never felt part of. So I wasn't exactly sure what I was in for. But every week I've found myself more and more grateful for this space and inching toward paying for it I'm a freelancer, so the moments when I'm able to throw in the cash are irregular, and I tend to rotate which substacks I'm paying for. It felt like time to rotate this one in.
I hope this doesn't sound like an excuse, though it might. It's meant to be a thank you. <3
Anti-Matter coming back into the universe again was fantastic. I enjoyed reading each week (sometimes skipping a couple & later binging). Thank you & I look forward to the next chapter.
I hope you keep giving us opportunity to support your work. This latest version of anti matter changed so much of how I approach thinking about music and community this last year.
It's so rare when a reboot of a previous project lives up to its earlier beloved renditions and I feel like the new anti-matter really outdid itself! You did the rare thing in your interviews where you made me interested in someone even if I wasn't really into their band. All of your writing was always so thoughtful & it never came off as EXCLUSIVE ELDER HARDCORE. Will miss reading every week, but happy you made the best decision for yourself!
To be honest, I’ve written and re-written my response to this news about a dozen times and I’m still not sure what follows will be as coherent as I’d like it to be but here goes…
I’m going to start with thank you as I am, and have been, truly grateful for your work on this iteration of AM. Integrating the AM playlist was a stroke of genius and helped me discover a slew of new bands. Being an older hardcore ‘kid’ has left me with less of a tangible community and in AM I found that so thank you.
All of that said, I’m pissed off too. Not at you, of course, as you need to do what is right for you, but at the circumstances that led to the hiatus. It’s disheartening to learn that we couldn’t do better for you and your tremendous work. We need to do better for each other.
I’ll eventually stop saying fuck over and over again in my head about this and be left grateful that we had this time together again.
Again, thank you!
P.S. AM LP II would take the sting out of this situation just a little :)
Anti-mater has been a part of my routine for over a year. I am said to see it go on hiatus and hope you take care of yourself. I can’t wait to see if and how this evolves over time.
I look forward to every column, interview, and playlist. I'll be sad to not have it as a comfort as well roll into an uncertain year, but I'm deeply grateful for what you've made here, Norman! And what you continue to make! 💜
So sad to see Anti-Matter go, but happy to see you doing what you know is right for you. I’ll be here waiting for any sporadic emails in the future. Thanks for this space Norman.
Norman, just to say that what you’ve produced over the last 18 months has been miraculous - a rich, deep, thoughtful and compassionate resource. It has brought me (and I suspect a lot of others) closer to an art form that we already loved, given us new perspectives on people and on the world, and (in my case) made me think about how to be a different, better kind of person.
So thank you - huge respect for what you’ve created, and can’t wait to see what you decide to do next.
A new light will let itself into you.
"hiatus (n.) 1560s, "a break or opening" in a material object, especially in anatomy, from Latin hiatus "opening, aperture, rupture, gap," from past-participle stem of hiare "to gape, stand open" (from PIE root *ghieh- "to yawn, gape, be wide open"). The sense of "gap or interruption in events, etc.;" "space from which something requisite to completeness is absent" [Century Dictionary] is recorded from 1610s."