Our early punk canon eviscerated the church in black and white—and rightfully so. But for those of us who grew up in the church, revisiting our personal experience with nuance is a challenge.
My parents would occasionally take me to church, but I never really felt any sort of connection to any of it. But when I'm in a show crowd, hearing a singer and a crowd's voice become one, pressed in the throng...I get it. I get why religion is so alluring and comforting to people. Because it's the same sort of sensation, isn't it? That enthralling encompassing community of all voices becoming one. For better or worse.
For fifteen years I worked at an adult day healthcare center. And that is when I first met a person who was a Pentecostal: a co-worker named Minerva. The only thing I know at the time when I started working there about pentecostals was that they spoke in tongues. There is a reason why they say, "The two things you never talk about at work is religion and politics." When i used to ask Minerva questions about being Pentecostal I would ask her disrespectful questions with a laugh like "Did you ever talk in tongues" or why are pentecostal women forbidden to wear pants but only allowed to wear skirts or dresses.?" (Minerva was a nursing assistant who refused to wear scrubs but my boss allowed her to wear skirts instead) Suprisedly she never slapped me in the face for being so immature. Over the years working with her I started to feel sorry for her. She was in her 50s at the time and she know very little about the world. For example she didn't know there was a theory of evolution. At the time I was an agnostic and she didn't know what that was. Before she met me she didn't even know that doubting the existence of god or not believing in god was a life option. The last time I ever saw her was about five years ago when she retired and when she lefted I was sitting down and she kissed me on the top of my head. I couldn't believe after all the years of making fun of her religion she was so kind to me when she lefted. As Isaac Newton once said, "Genius is patience."
I saw a lot of hypocrisy in the church, both at the institutional level, growing up in the Bible Belt during the Reagan 80s, and at the interpersonal level - a lot of people preaching mercy and compassion without living it. I was angry about that for a long time, and when Krishna became part of the hardcore scene, I have to admit, I pushed back against it - from where I stood, it just looked like exchanging one set of people telling you what to think for another. Ironically, it'd be grad school, studying social psychology, when I'd realize that my assumptions about why people have faith and belong to churches were possibly faulty. And it'd be a lot of therapy before I'd realize that I couldn't control how other people lived their lives, only how I chose to live mine. So now I try to look at everyone - even the people I disagree with - with a kinder eye. And for me, Theravada Buddhism has helped center me - it's not a belief in the divine, but contemplating impermanence and recognizing attachment has had a lot of value to me. And as it turns out, I actually liked "When 20 Summers Pass."
You did wrap that up pretty nicely. I sort of noticed hardcore or punk or whatever you want to call it starting to resemble a 'cult'. Sort of like you said about everyone speaking the same lexicon coming together wearing the same clothes, same beads around their necks etc. That's why for me getting back into music in the '90s was a completely individualistic mission, trying to wrap up what I started in the 80's. I didn't really see anything that I wanted to belong to, though i met quite a number of wonderful people along the way. The scene that I remember was truly a hodgepodge of people with only one unifying trait, we didn't belong in that other world. Some of our stories were pretty vanilla, like mine, other people I met were coming from a place of pretty serious trauma and basically everything in between. I could also start speaking about my love and connection with God here, I don't want to get you (or anyone else here) all fired up 🙏
My parents would occasionally take me to church, but I never really felt any sort of connection to any of it. But when I'm in a show crowd, hearing a singer and a crowd's voice become one, pressed in the throng...I get it. I get why religion is so alluring and comforting to people. Because it's the same sort of sensation, isn't it? That enthralling encompassing community of all voices becoming one. For better or worse.
For fifteen years I worked at an adult day healthcare center. And that is when I first met a person who was a Pentecostal: a co-worker named Minerva. The only thing I know at the time when I started working there about pentecostals was that they spoke in tongues. There is a reason why they say, "The two things you never talk about at work is religion and politics." When i used to ask Minerva questions about being Pentecostal I would ask her disrespectful questions with a laugh like "Did you ever talk in tongues" or why are pentecostal women forbidden to wear pants but only allowed to wear skirts or dresses.?" (Minerva was a nursing assistant who refused to wear scrubs but my boss allowed her to wear skirts instead) Suprisedly she never slapped me in the face for being so immature. Over the years working with her I started to feel sorry for her. She was in her 50s at the time and she know very little about the world. For example she didn't know there was a theory of evolution. At the time I was an agnostic and she didn't know what that was. Before she met me she didn't even know that doubting the existence of god or not believing in god was a life option. The last time I ever saw her was about five years ago when she retired and when she lefted I was sitting down and she kissed me on the top of my head. I couldn't believe after all the years of making fun of her religion she was so kind to me when she lefted. As Isaac Newton once said, "Genius is patience."
I really resonate with this piece. I grew up the same way. I am going to share this one, a lot.
I saw a lot of hypocrisy in the church, both at the institutional level, growing up in the Bible Belt during the Reagan 80s, and at the interpersonal level - a lot of people preaching mercy and compassion without living it. I was angry about that for a long time, and when Krishna became part of the hardcore scene, I have to admit, I pushed back against it - from where I stood, it just looked like exchanging one set of people telling you what to think for another. Ironically, it'd be grad school, studying social psychology, when I'd realize that my assumptions about why people have faith and belong to churches were possibly faulty. And it'd be a lot of therapy before I'd realize that I couldn't control how other people lived their lives, only how I chose to live mine. So now I try to look at everyone - even the people I disagree with - with a kinder eye. And for me, Theravada Buddhism has helped center me - it's not a belief in the divine, but contemplating impermanence and recognizing attachment has had a lot of value to me. And as it turns out, I actually liked "When 20 Summers Pass."
Beyond community to a profound sense of belonging. Fuck dude, if that isn’t it.
This was really great
Great article, thank you x
You did wrap that up pretty nicely. I sort of noticed hardcore or punk or whatever you want to call it starting to resemble a 'cult'. Sort of like you said about everyone speaking the same lexicon coming together wearing the same clothes, same beads around their necks etc. That's why for me getting back into music in the '90s was a completely individualistic mission, trying to wrap up what I started in the 80's. I didn't really see anything that I wanted to belong to, though i met quite a number of wonderful people along the way. The scene that I remember was truly a hodgepodge of people with only one unifying trait, we didn't belong in that other world. Some of our stories were pretty vanilla, like mine, other people I met were coming from a place of pretty serious trauma and basically everything in between. I could also start speaking about my love and connection with God here, I don't want to get you (or anyone else here) all fired up 🙏