Hardcore is more diverse than ever, and more LGBTQ+ people are rightfully finding their homes here. But the idea that things were “always this way” is not only wrong, it’s erasure.
It's also worth noting that "being out" to people isn't always the same as living in that truth. I still compartmentalized my life for at least another 5 years or so before leaving the midwest and starting to actually find a gay community and actually LIVE as a gay man. The hardest thing about those years playing music and existing in the Punk scene was on one hand having the most amazing experience to traveling and playing music and being semi successful but only with half your being. It was both the most amazing experience and the most isolating and lonely time of my life.
ive found that recollections like this are the most relatable type of queer content. especially today, it can be so isolating being in the closet while so much of visible queerness is celebratory. being in a position where it is unsafe to be out and having to weigh the costs of putting yourself in harms way for the chance at that joy is terrifying. it’s great to see validating content like this that doesn’t leave you feeling hopeless at the end.
I thought one of the most blowing things in the world that happened to me when I was heavily into hardcore is when I went to my local record store in Staten Island in 1992 called “our music center” and came across 411’s “seven inch” that had the song “those homophobic” on it. Amongst on these other hardcore records which had songs on them about your typical hardcore subject matter (veganism and straight edge.) this one was different. I think Dan O’Mahony, the singer of 411, was probably one of hardcore most overlooked heroes. Nobody to my knowledge was writing songs “those homophobic” at that time. On a side note I can’t even imagine the suffering you went through and comparing “my little secret” to yours might be insulting to you. But I was one of the only kids in the Staten Island hardcore scene who came from an upper middle class family. (I went to an elite private school and that other bullshit) And I was scared to death that someone might find out about my “true self”. When I was watching salad days the great documentary about the dc scene and mike Hampton talked downplaying his “elite” background I totally could relate. And when people in the scene found out that my dad is a physician my own friends starting spreading rumors that “John’s father is a physician for the mafia” (my last name ends in a vowel) when I think of the times it still hurts.
The part with The Advocate clocking a "trend" in musicians coming out still rings true today when people comment things like, "there are so many more gay people now." No, we just feel SAFER (though not completely safe) to tell you now!
I'm so glad that the 'scene' is for the most part better than it ever was, and I really hope people never forget how hard it was at times. I realized for years that I had created this persona, this mask around myself while I moved through the hardcore scene in the mid-south to make sure I fit in, that I survived. I knew I was queer, I was bi, but I buried that shit down. The biggest part that I didn't fit together was that I was trans/non binary; I didn't have words for that at the time. It's so great to see so many trans kids (and now adults) out and about in the scene both in bands and in the crowd. With shit going down in the US its just nice to go to shows and get to be myself and feel safe, which is such a contrast to what it had been in the early 2000s.
I didn't come out 'til I was 28 and no longer playing in bands. I did write a song criticizing homophobia and racism when I was 19, but I was nowhere near ready to come out then, despite being aware that I was most likely gay since the summer I turned 11. The homophobia in the hardcore scene let me know it wasn't safe. I didn't know that there were gay folks in bands I loved, but I *did* know that popular bands like the Bad Brains, Descendents and The Meatmen had anti-gay songs that got precious little pushback. 😔
It's also worth noting that "being out" to people isn't always the same as living in that truth. I still compartmentalized my life for at least another 5 years or so before leaving the midwest and starting to actually find a gay community and actually LIVE as a gay man. The hardest thing about those years playing music and existing in the Punk scene was on one hand having the most amazing experience to traveling and playing music and being semi successful but only with half your being. It was both the most amazing experience and the most isolating and lonely time of my life.
Also true. There's "acknowledging I am gay" and there is "knowing who you are and living fully in that knowledge." The second one takes time! x
Fantastic read. Important for hardcore kids today to know the truth about the past and not let it be whitewashed. Thanks for writing this.
ive found that recollections like this are the most relatable type of queer content. especially today, it can be so isolating being in the closet while so much of visible queerness is celebratory. being in a position where it is unsafe to be out and having to weigh the costs of putting yourself in harms way for the chance at that joy is terrifying. it’s great to see validating content like this that doesn’t leave you feeling hopeless at the end.
I thought one of the most blowing things in the world that happened to me when I was heavily into hardcore is when I went to my local record store in Staten Island in 1992 called “our music center” and came across 411’s “seven inch” that had the song “those homophobic” on it. Amongst on these other hardcore records which had songs on them about your typical hardcore subject matter (veganism and straight edge.) this one was different. I think Dan O’Mahony, the singer of 411, was probably one of hardcore most overlooked heroes. Nobody to my knowledge was writing songs “those homophobic” at that time. On a side note I can’t even imagine the suffering you went through and comparing “my little secret” to yours might be insulting to you. But I was one of the only kids in the Staten Island hardcore scene who came from an upper middle class family. (I went to an elite private school and that other bullshit) And I was scared to death that someone might find out about my “true self”. When I was watching salad days the great documentary about the dc scene and mike Hampton talked downplaying his “elite” background I totally could relate. And when people in the scene found out that my dad is a physician my own friends starting spreading rumors that “John’s father is a physician for the mafia” (my last name ends in a vowel) when I think of the times it still hurts.
The part with The Advocate clocking a "trend" in musicians coming out still rings true today when people comment things like, "there are so many more gay people now." No, we just feel SAFER (though not completely safe) to tell you now!
This was a fantastic morning read, thank you 💜
I'm so glad that the 'scene' is for the most part better than it ever was, and I really hope people never forget how hard it was at times. I realized for years that I had created this persona, this mask around myself while I moved through the hardcore scene in the mid-south to make sure I fit in, that I survived. I knew I was queer, I was bi, but I buried that shit down. The biggest part that I didn't fit together was that I was trans/non binary; I didn't have words for that at the time. It's so great to see so many trans kids (and now adults) out and about in the scene both in bands and in the crowd. With shit going down in the US its just nice to go to shows and get to be myself and feel safe, which is such a contrast to what it had been in the early 2000s.
LOVE U
This was such an incredible read and thank you for sharing. I sometimes take for granted the inclusivity of the scene I experience today. ❤️
I'm starting a new band called 'sacred band of thebes'. Looking for members...Norm, you in?
I didn't come out 'til I was 28 and no longer playing in bands. I did write a song criticizing homophobia and racism when I was 19, but I was nowhere near ready to come out then, despite being aware that I was most likely gay since the summer I turned 11. The homophobia in the hardcore scene let me know it wasn't safe. I didn't know that there were gay folks in bands I loved, but I *did* know that popular bands like the Bad Brains, Descendents and The Meatmen had anti-gay songs that got precious little pushback. 😔