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Jeff Bramhall's avatar

Thanks for this, Norman. I’m grateful for this platform because it offers the opportunity for both long-form thought and considered response in a way that I’ve missed. I hope my experience is resonant.

Punk and hardcore let me maintain an adolescent worldview a lot longer in my life than it was useful.

As a child who felt everything very intensely, it felt safe to see the world as black and white. I grew up thinking it was me versus the world. Through punk, I learned that instead of me versus the world, there could be an US! I just had to follow the rules. Vegan, straight edge, poor, anarchist - very clear identities and each defined by what it isn’t. These rules let me feel safe. As I write this, I’m struck at just how Jungian it all is!

Rebelling against rules and then embodying them. Then being ashamed of being dogmatic about rules. Then acting out the shame by doubling down on the importance of the rules. Yikes.

When I dropped out, it was because I was exhausted with defining myself by what I didn’t do and what I was opposed to. If I am fixated on what I’m not, I become defined by that thing. I can’t be anything more than it, all I can be is not-it. My identity and self image were both incredibly fragile.

One thing I wish we could have done as a community is create spaces which allowed us to address the shame we experience from living in a capitalist economy while also striving to create a just and equitable society. That friction takes a lot of maturity to accept and it’s a hell of a lot easier to just stuff it down and ignore it. I don’t know if I would have been mature enough before my late-30s to embrace that (lots of therapy has definitely helped), but maybe having that option would have sped me up.

I hope Kevin sharing his reality changes how some folks feel about bands doing eternal reunion shows and “celebrating 30 years of ___.” This is the bed we made by forcing ourselves to take a vow of poverty and now we’ve got to lie in it.

There’s the saying that change feels impossible until it’s already happened and I find a lot of hope in that. I don’t love spending $15 on a DIY show, but if it means the folks from Planet on a Chain can come to the east coast then you better believe I’m going to pay it.

Maybe we’re on the precipice. Maybe we’re already past it.

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Cripple Punk Mag's avatar

Thank you so, so much for this piece. It touched me really deeply. For a subculture that is heavily entwined with leftist politics we have yet to really grapple with the ways that capitalism has shaped the way we view ourselves and our work at a fundamental level. Valorizing suffering may be a defense mechanism against what is often a very harsh world but it is not a model I want to replicate. I hope touring artists start organizing.

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